Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Newt Gingrich's newsletter ads

As a non-US liberal I subscribe to Newt Gingrich's newsletter (and Ann Coulter's - I'm a glutton for punishment), mainly out of curiosity. Now, it's normal practice for successful, high readership newsletters to run paid advertising, a nice little revenue stream on the side as it were. In the case of Newt's political messaging, you wonder though whether the ads in his letter don't somewhat detract (to put it very mildly) from the political stumping, especially considering the strange nature of the newsletter's advertising content.

Fresh from the press this Wednesday, let's see, first and high up, an ad linking to this page (excerpt):

URGENT HEALTH BULLETIN

Discover why one M.D. says

'I HAVEN'T HAD A GLASS OF WATER IN 20 YEARS...'

And why you don't have to gulp it down by the gallon either.

Sure, drinking tons of water is great if you want to raise your stroke risk, bring on kidney failure, and encourage early Alzheimer's.

SURPRISED? But that's just one example of how MASS MEDIA MEDICINE is ruining our health. Next time anyone nags you to sweat, starve or give up your pleasures, turn the tables on them and ask:

* IS YOUR CHOLESTEROL HIGH ENOUGH to avoid heart attacks and strokes?
* ARE YOU GETTING ENOUGH SUN to prevent the world's most dreaded cancers?
* ARE YOU EXERCISING SO HARD that it's hardening your arteries?
* ARE YOU EATING ENOUGH SALT to prevent high blood pressure?
* ARE YOU EATING ENOUGH EGGS & BACON to ward off macular degeneration?
* GOT ARTHRITIS? GUESS WHAT! This animal fat reverses the damage in 24 hours!

BELIEVE IT OR NOT, YOU CAN LIVE LONG and LOVE every minute of IT!

Learn how right now from medicine's most acclaimed myth-buster, William Campbell Douglass II, MD. Plus, find out why more than 100,000 doctors and health-savvy Individuals have joined his 'take back your life' crusade.

If you'd rather enjoy a beer than force down 8 glasses of water...

If you can't start the day without caffeine...

If you crave a good steak and can't stomach 10 vegetables a day...

GUESS WHAT? YOU'RE RIGHT and they're full of tofu...

I guess it's another case of the "liberal medjuh" peddling their constant pernicious lies, eh? As the trailer to the ad said "STOP DRINKING WATER NOW!"

Hell, Newt, I's switchin' to pitchers of the ole' cold ale right now, no Alzies fur me!

The next big ad goes like this:
WANTED:
"Novice Crew to 'Rob' Banks Legally...
... With an Inside Job!"

Are You Ready for a Quick Heist on The World's
'Hidden' Money-Mountain?
Great! The get-away car's about to leave!...

Hello,

Please forgive the 'cloak and dagger', but I'm going out on a limb by telling you this...

I don't know how 'they' have done it... How do 'they' 'hide' access to the biggest pile of money in the world? How do 'they' manage to fill their fat coffers from it, day after day, while going relatively unnoticed? 'They' have profited for long enough... now it's YOUR turn...

How do I know all this? Who are 'they'?

'They' are the Wall Street fat-cats. And I used to work for them.

The next few minutes will expose you to highly sensitive information...

... If you're NOT interested in retiring from work
within a year (like I did), you should NOT read any further.

Needless to say, the truly endless sales pitch eventually leads you to an order page where you can order the life-saving CD for the princely sum of $1977.00 (plus postage of $14.95! - you'd have thought that at this price adding less than 1 % for P&P wouldn't be necessary but what do I know?)

Can't wait for Newt's next Wednesday glossy! I mean, what could be next? An ad for the most massive boob job of all womankind?

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