Sunday, December 11, 2005

We Love the Iraqi Minister of Information


Do you remember the guy to the right? The Iraqi Information Minister Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf (MSS) at the time of the invasion of Iraq? Hours of great telly fun when MSS made his baffling statements regarding the state of the invasion and the advance of Allied troops! But occasionally and entirely accidentally this self-deluding fool has the finger on the button, despite strong evidence of a foot fetish...

"My feelings - as usual - we will slaughter them all"

Of course, of course...
"I blame Al-Jazeera - they are marketing for the Americans!"

Why does everybody always blame Al-Jazeera?
"We have destroyed 2 tanks, fighter planes, 2 helicopters and their shovels - We have driven them back."

They were goosepimply scared after that...
"We have them surrounded in their tanks"

"The American press is all about lies! All they tell is lies, lies and more lies!"

Now, there's kernel of truth in that one...
"because we will behead you all"

Britain "is not worth an old shoe"

First appearance of the shoe...
"we have given them a sour taste"
"blood-sucking bastards"

Sour blood...
Of US troops: "They are most welcome. We will butcher them."

A traditional warm Iraqi welcome?
"We will welcome them with bullets and shoes."

A bizarre mix of ordnance.
"I speak better English than this villain Bush"

True, MSS, you say it loud an clear, boy!
"They are not in Baghdad. They are not in control of any airport. I tell you this. It is all a lie. They lie. It is a hollywood movie. You do not believe them."

No, no, no, no. The blockbuster movies come AFTER the war.
"Yes, the american troops have advanced further. This will only make it easier for us to defeat them"

A novel military strategy that might not catch on...
"This is unbased"

Unhinged is the word he's looking for.
"W. Bush, this man is a war criminal, and we will see
that he is brought to trial"

That's a half-truth.
"I think the British nation has never been faced with a tragedy like this fellow [Blair]."

Well, it's been a while...
"The United Nations....[is] a place for prostitution under the feet of

Feet, feet, feet...
"They think we are retarded - they are retarded."

Pot and kettle...
"The midget Bush and that Rumsfield deserve only to be beaten with shoes by freedom loving people everywhere."

Beaten with... shoes. I mean, what else?
"Rumsfeld, he needs to be hit on the head"

MSS, you've hit the nail on the head!
"Bush is a very stupid man. The American people are not stupid, they are very clever. I can't understand how such clever people came to elect such a stupid president."

This is of course by far the most intelligent statement MSS has made.
"Bush, Blair and Rumsfeld. They are the funny trio"

Add yourself, MSS and make it a quartet!
Question: Is Saddam Hussein still alive:
"I will only answer reasonable questions"

"They are not in Najaf. They are nowhere. They are on the moon. They are snakes in the desert..."

Rumsfeld is "the worst kind of bastard"

"Americans are now in disarray"

"There are only two American tanks in the city."

Two, not three...
"We are winning!"

Of course, of course... Now, where have I heard that before?

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At 1:34 AM, Blogger Timmer said...

Hey! This guys reminds me of ME!!! (Oh wait, that was YOUR assertion). LMAO!

At 4:12 PM, Blogger Gert said...

Timmer, this identity crisis of yours is clearly due to too much right wing propaganda.

Switch sides NOW: for your own good (LOL)...

At 12:55 AM, Blogger Timmer said...

Okay Gert - let me give it a go.

The Iraq war is BUSH LIES...uh, there were NO WMD...ummmm, BUSH had ISRAEL ATTACK the WTC ON 9-11....errrr, HILLARY IS A GREAT AMERRRR....RI.......RI.........RIC................. I CAN'T DO IT! I'M MELTINGGGGGGGGGG...AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!

;-) ;-) ;-) ;-) ;-) ;-) ;-) ;-)

At 2:33 PM, Blogger Gert said...

Whoever said that Bush had Israel attack the WTC was indeed a complete idiot, but who on earth actually believes that? Certainly not moi...

At 4:49 PM, Blogger Richard said...

Heh. I love it, gert.

I wonder why Bushco didn't snap this fellow up as soon a she lost his old job, and became available? I mean, he has ALL the current maladministration, required credentials. What a super spokeman he'd make for them. ;^]

At 8:07 AM, Blogger Timmer said...

Hey Gert - where'd you get to? NO ARTICLES on the latest election in IRAQ? I'm shocked and dismayed, truly!

At 4:05 PM, Blogger Gert said...

It's a great success and hopefully it will accelerate the withdrawal: if anything it's the political process that will beat the insurgency, not allied counter-violence.

But I'll never forget that this war was waged for entirely the wrong reasons and I hope in future we'll remember that...

At 8:18 PM, Blogger J.UL1R4 said...

You tell it timmer. That Constitution, as Bush said, it's just a GD piece of paper. Enjoy your Patriot Act II.

At 9:59 PM, Blogger Kent said...

That guy was CLASSIC.

If anybody sees him around have him give me a call. I'd like to pitch him an idea for a sitcom.

At 10:00 PM, Blogger Kent said...

And Gert. It's good to see you acknowledge that the Iraqi election last week was, in your words, 'a great success.'

At least you're honest enough to admit the truth, unlike most Liberals.

Merry Christmas, Buddy.

At 5:36 PM, Blogger Gert said...


Yes, Have a most Enjoyable Winterval (or a Marvellous Crimbo, as I always say).

Now, if only your side would admit to a few "minor" misdemeanours, we might actually begin building bridges...


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