Saturday, November 29, 2008

God, Gays and Wanks

It's the masturbation, stupid!

There isn't a concept in the world that the religious traditionally have more problems with than homosexuality (in plain English: gays). It troubles them deeply that this practice, prohibited unanimously by all three Monotheisms (at least they agree on something), continues to be exercised by unabating numbers around the world, by both males and females and throughout most cultures, no matter how devout or how secular.

Despite the fact that the disapproval of gayness by the religious is by and large a simple, visceral, atavistic reflex (it simply scores high on their internal disgust-o-meter), there are plenty of post hoc rationalisations that are supposed to justify their condemnation of what is essentially an innocuous and consensual human activity, not very different from other human activities in the entire plethora. It needs to be noted though that homophobia isn't the sole prerogative of the believers either: some atheists are gay bashers too.

And so we have the "Free Will" argument: in this narrative, homosexuality is a deliberate "life-style choice". I only need to ask the question (again, sigh...) to my gay friends to have them in stitches on the floor to deduce my answer to the question: the vast majority of gay people don't consider their sexual leanings to be one of choice.

Then there's the "it's a disease, dude!" argument, which is kind of a (deeply condescending) pseudo-humanistic version of the above, in the sense that it sort of absolves the alleged "sufferer" and offers the possibility of "a cure" (to be administered by Men from the Funny Hat Brigade, needless to add).

The immortal, quasi-Freudian and slightly misogynist "Weak father - Strong Mother" thingy, which assumes that unless the nukular family is led firmly by (dare I say the hand of?) a G-d like Pater Familias male youngsters will end up corrupted by the Evil of Gayness, is also still around. Interestingly, society seems decidedly less concerned about female homosexuality (consistently termed "lesbianism" - as if it were a bizarre ideology or cult). The multitude of male heterosexual fantasies regarding unholy threesomes involving the fantasist and two (or more?) unsuspecting lezzers, about to find out about the wholesome joy of heterosexual sex, probably plays a part there.

That gays are gay because they are gay is something that could never be accepted by the religious, for it would almost imply that G-d is a tad bisexual, incapable of controlling his urges to create more gay people, in fact to reserve an almost immutable quota of gayness to the successive generations since Adam and (St)eve.

But now we have a new theorette: introducing Ronen Levi Yitzchak!

Ronen, now look what you made me do: golden shower myself (no semen, Ronen, I promise!)

This guy's masturbatory delights last only 4 seconds? How long does he last with a hot broad? 3 nanoseconds??? Whizzbang well before ETA?

Personally, I always think of it as the "Hand of God", Ronen. (S)He arranges everything, doesn't (S)he?

And perhaps the slightly more effeminate male gays out there are those lucky few that manage to give themselves a complimentary blowjob too?

As regards his opinion on women, we mustn't share the same planet: on mine they're all hardnosed bitches and not a Brazilian (sexually explicit link) in sight...

Now I'm off to spill some semen in an old sock. Ronen, if I pleasure the sock first, does that still count as "in vain"? How about wearing gloves, would that protect me against homosexual thoughts? Answer me that, you sucker...

H/T Bacon.


At 6:02 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Gert: There's clear prohibition against masturbation in the Torah but nowhere in Judaism (whether written or oral Torah) is a connection made b/w homosexuality and masturbation. To be very honest with you, most Jews, whether religious or not, masturbate. Being religious makes it easier to withhold the urge to do so. The best one can do is try to do it as rarely as possible.

Let me ask you a question: You insult this guy and make a big point our of the 4-second thing but I'm sure your wife (or anyone else's) wouldn't appreciate catching them in the "act" very much. Would you agree that it's harmful at least as far as marital relations go?

At 6:26 AM, Blogger Baconeater said...

Eitan, I don't think many people get caught. Man or woman.
How would it harm a relationship if you are caught?
There is nothing shameful about it but it is a private act for most people, just like you wouldn't want to discuss sexual positions with family, you don't discuss masturbation with them either.

At 6:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Baconeater: I don't understand why you try to fight practicing Jews and make a point out of insulting their ways. After all, if you look at history, every time we make steps to become like the Nations, the Nations "spit" us out-to use Tanachic language.

I don't know about you, but my ex had a problem with me doing what I did. She felt almost as if I were cheating on her (and she was right). I tried telling her it served to release pent-up energy but I think it was one of the things that led up to the divorce.

My question to you remains: WOULD your wife appreciate catching you masturbating?

At 5:29 AM, Blogger Frank Partisan said...

There doesn't seem to be genes for arbitrary traits. I don't reject choice for gayness 100%, but certainly wouldn't accept it as a sole reason.

This sounds weasel like, but there is several reasons for gayness.

I don't believe for the most part, gayness is a choice. At the same time, the "Genome Project," hasn't shown a gay gene.

At 4:31 PM, Blogger Gert said...

Hi guys,

Sorry I've been MIA for a few days, due to a new and serious virus causing sever tooter problems (now solved).


It's completely immaterial to me that this guy is Jewish or otherwise. I have a problem with people that have a problem with homosexuality because we know what these attitudes can lead to: many European gays found a sticky end in the Holocaust, just for being gay.


I think it's safe to say that for some people homosexuality or bisexuality may be a choice. This doesn't seem to be the case for any homosexuals I know though.

If homosexuality is indeed an innocuous, consensual activity, then why would the choice/determined argument even have to be discussed?

At 5:21 PM, Blogger Cookie..... said...

Here comes Cookie with his overly simplistic and sometimes facetious views of life...

**sigh**, in the immortal words of Rodney King... "Why can't we all just get along?"

Gert touched on "Free Will", and that's part of my belief system. If it is a choice, and the operative word being "if", then its their (homosexuals) choice of lifestyle. They excersized their Free Will. End of story. If it's genetic, then so be it. Personally, I have so many other priorities in my life that take precedence, that I can't waste my time being concerned about someone else's sexual orientation.

And believe it or not, I feel the same about's simply their choice not to believe, i.e., Free Will. At one time in my life, this was exactly my belief, although my views are differant today.

Masturbation....big deal. A natural act to relieve sexual tension and desire. Too bad a large majority of folks just can't admit they do it or have done, and that's that. So if a religion labels this as a sin, or bad, well remember, religions are man made, and men make mistakes.

Many of us spend completely inordinate amounts of energy concerned with all these things. Again, I have way too many other area's of my life where I must work on to improve myself that I can't be concerned with issues and debates that may literally never be resolved. About the only thing I can change in this complex world is myself, and maybe by example, others will adopt this philsophy and begin concentrating on changing or correcting things in their own lives that they may view as "faults".

At 4:20 PM, Blogger Gert said...

Hey Cookie!

Long time no hear!

Religion is man-made? AGREED but remember: that's a "burn at the stake" type of heresy! (LOL)


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